Tuesdays, for Felicity (and everyone with the same timetable as her), are now officially "act-like-an-arts-student" day.
It's beautiful.
Love,
Felicity xxx
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Guide to Part IB
Part IB: second year. Scarily, this is where we're at.
Pathology (a.k.a. Path, BOD [Biology of Disease, geddit? special acronyms again...]): essentially Biochemistry gone wrong, with a corresponding increase in complexity. If you think it takes a lot of molecules and junk to make your cells work right, it takes about four times as many (and some the same) to kill the thing when it starts going wrong.
Pharmacology (a.k.a. Pharm, MODA [Modes of Drug Action or somesuch]): Maths, for medics. With a bit of Biochemistry thrown in, because everything's more fun with a list of things to learn.
Neurology (a.k.a. Neuro [seeing a pattern here? Medics are too busy to utter more than two syllables per word], NHB [Neurology with Human Behaviour]): blahblahblahblahblahBLAHBLAHBLAH. Anatomy of the brain, which as a subject we're hazy on ("it's probable that pain is processed in part A of the brain, but it could be anywhere, really"), and Physiology again (for how bits of you talk to other bits), except now with bells on.
Social life: optional extra course.
Sanity: easily removed if it troubles you.
Aaaaaaaaaand she's back.
Love,
Felicity xxx
p.s. I did the Walk of Shame for the first time in my life at the beginning of this term. However, I classed it up by:
a) wearing a coat that completely covered the dress (the 'I'm just wearing a short skirt...' look)
b) waiting until about midday (the 'what, anyone could be walking around dressed like this at this time' look)
c) making The Boyfriend come with me (the 'seriously, we're just out for a nice walk' look)
d) taking the not-through-the-centre-of-town route (damage limitation).
Pathology (a.k.a. Path, BOD [Biology of Disease, geddit? special acronyms again...]): essentially Biochemistry gone wrong, with a corresponding increase in complexity. If you think it takes a lot of molecules and junk to make your cells work right, it takes about four times as many (and some the same) to kill the thing when it starts going wrong.
Pharmacology (a.k.a. Pharm, MODA [Modes of Drug Action or somesuch]): Maths, for medics. With a bit of Biochemistry thrown in, because everything's more fun with a list of things to learn.
Neurology (a.k.a. Neuro [seeing a pattern here? Medics are too busy to utter more than two syllables per word], NHB [Neurology with Human Behaviour]): blahblahblahblahblahBLAHBLAHBLAH. Anatomy of the brain, which as a subject we're hazy on ("it's probable that pain is processed in part A of the brain, but it could be anywhere, really"), and Physiology again (for how bits of you talk to other bits), except now with bells on.
Social life: optional extra course.
Sanity: easily removed if it troubles you.
Aaaaaaaaaand she's back.
Love,
Felicity xxx
p.s. I did the Walk of Shame for the first time in my life at the beginning of this term. However, I classed it up by:
a) wearing a coat that completely covered the dress (the 'I'm just wearing a short skirt...' look)
b) waiting until about midday (the 'what, anyone could be walking around dressed like this at this time' look)
c) making The Boyfriend come with me (the 'seriously, we're just out for a nice walk' look)
d) taking the not-through-the-centre-of-town route (damage limitation).
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Practicals
Ah, the joys of cutting off circulation in your arm until you can't feel anything. Included such instructions as 'You have been provided with a miniature battery-operated vibratory stimulator'. Resulted in such conversations as:
'Tell me what you feel'
'Warm...deliciously warm...your mum'
'I can't feel my fingers'
'Shut your eyes...did you really not notice that I just licked you?'
We are so in this for the innuendo and sadism.
'Tell me what you feel'
'Warm...deliciously warm...your mum'
'I can't feel my fingers'
'Shut your eyes...did you really not notice that I just licked you?'
We are so in this for the innuendo and sadism.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Post-formal Revelry
Right everyone, back to my room for...
...gin and sarcasm!
...absinthe and ennui!
...port and lust!
...champagne and frivolity!
...vodka and masochism!
...kahlua and tango!
...brandy and inappropriate touching!
...tequila and adolescence!
...baileys and duvets!
...gin and sarcasm!
...absinthe and ennui!
...port and lust!
...champagne and frivolity!
...vodka and masochism!
...kahlua and tango!
...brandy and inappropriate touching!
...tequila and adolescence!
...baileys and duvets!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Back with a vengeance
It's been a little over a week since we were reunited, and things are just as odd as ever. Perhaps 10 times over the past few days have utterances been worthy of blogging, but here is a choice example:
'No, I am not going to superglue a sock to my boyfriend's wang. Or, for that matter, any other part of his anatomy.'
'No, I am not going to superglue a sock to my boyfriend's wang. Or, for that matter, any other part of his anatomy.'
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
I have reached a conclusion
It's nearly a year since I first left for Cambridge, during which time the following things have occured:
I have a decreased alcohol tolerance.
I have an improved diet.
I have lost weight.
I dress better (debatable, seeing as I dress like I'm sartorially prepared for a circus act, but still).
I have a vague feeling I know a few things about medicine, but have forgotten vast amounts of A-level chemistry, biology, physics, and maths, plus almost all of my AS-levels and GCSEs.
I am slightly richer (I have decided to ignore student debt entirely).
This can only mean one thing:
I am an anti-student.
With enough time as an undergrad, I may actually be a useful member of society.
Geraldine xxx
I have a decreased alcohol tolerance.
I have an improved diet.
I have lost weight.
I dress better (debatable, seeing as I dress like I'm sartorially prepared for a circus act, but still).
I have a vague feeling I know a few things about medicine, but have forgotten vast amounts of A-level chemistry, biology, physics, and maths, plus almost all of my AS-levels and GCSEs.
I am slightly richer (I have decided to ignore student debt entirely).
This can only mean one thing:
I am an anti-student.
With enough time as an undergrad, I may actually be a useful member of society.
Geraldine xxx
Thursday, September 17, 2009
A Recommendation
This blog is written by a gentleman currently staying in an unnamed NHS hospital for traction following surgery on his leg - you may have seen it on the BBC's 'health' page today. Although mostly humorous, he is addressing a really very important issue, namely, food.
For many of us, school lunches are a not-too-distant memory. I'm sure some of you had lovely school lunches; mine were uniformly horrific. I'm a slightly fussier-than-average eater, but I don't think that fully accounts for the loss of a stone in weight in a single term when I first started school and began eating food not cooked by my parents. Since then, I have battled - yes, battled - through nearly 14 years at two independent schools, at both of which the lunches provided have been so poor and so clearly lacking in anything resembling either palatability or nutritional value that my parents were forced (much against their will) to provide me with a packed lunch. Now at the lovely Newnham College, provided with such things as ovens and hobs, I am capable of feeding myself adequately throughout term - and Newnham's buttery actually provides food which is edible, even pleasant. Not all Colleges bother to do this, and some of them charge a frankly ridiculous amount for a meagre plateful of nutritionally questionable food of somewhat dubious origin, often with little or no resemblance to the menu posted at the door. Anyway.
If it's bad to be forced to eat poor food while a relatively healthy young person (school age to early 20s) - and it obviously is, just look at that rant and try telling me it's not had a profound effect - then it is many times worse that up to 140,000 people leave hospital with symptoms of malnourishment. How is anyone supposed to recover from surgery, illness, childbirth, mental health problems or whatever other reason they are in hospital in the first place if the food they're eating is depressingly tasteless, nutritionally lacking and - frequently - so far from what they want to eat that most of it is thrown away?
Rant over. But remember: if you're going to get ill and require hospital treatment, don't do it in August or September, and bring tupperware.
Love,
Felicity xxx
For many of us, school lunches are a not-too-distant memory. I'm sure some of you had lovely school lunches; mine were uniformly horrific. I'm a slightly fussier-than-average eater, but I don't think that fully accounts for the loss of a stone in weight in a single term when I first started school and began eating food not cooked by my parents. Since then, I have battled - yes, battled - through nearly 14 years at two independent schools, at both of which the lunches provided have been so poor and so clearly lacking in anything resembling either palatability or nutritional value that my parents were forced (much against their will) to provide me with a packed lunch. Now at the lovely Newnham College, provided with such things as ovens and hobs, I am capable of feeding myself adequately throughout term - and Newnham's buttery actually provides food which is edible, even pleasant. Not all Colleges bother to do this, and some of them charge a frankly ridiculous amount for a meagre plateful of nutritionally questionable food of somewhat dubious origin, often with little or no resemblance to the menu posted at the door. Anyway.
If it's bad to be forced to eat poor food while a relatively healthy young person (school age to early 20s) - and it obviously is, just look at that rant and try telling me it's not had a profound effect - then it is many times worse that up to 140,000 people leave hospital with symptoms of malnourishment. How is anyone supposed to recover from surgery, illness, childbirth, mental health problems or whatever other reason they are in hospital in the first place if the food they're eating is depressingly tasteless, nutritionally lacking and - frequently - so far from what they want to eat that most of it is thrown away?
Rant over. But remember: if you're going to get ill and require hospital treatment, don't do it in August or September, and bring tupperware.
Love,
Felicity xxx
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Stereotypes
We're a prejudiced lot, really. Sometimes, we hear a subject, college, or activity, and we jump to conclusions. This is not to say that these conclusions aren't usually completely correct, but they are assumptions nonetheless.
(Disclaimer: I'm aware these aren't always true- for example, I know some lovely people at Trinity, and some relatively sane engineers. I'm even dating a mathmo, so either these should be taken with a huge pinch of salt, or I'm completely insane (or both).)
Homerton/Girton
Three options: have giant thighs from the sheer amount of cycling necessary, spend vast amounts on bus fares, or never ever leave college. We are often tempted to set up a couple, one from each of these colleges, and watch either exhaustion set in or one move into the other's room.
Mathmo
Weird, even for Cambridge. Multiply this by about five if from Trinity.
Rower
Obsessive. Cares little about sleep.
Caius medic
Oddly competitive (to they point where the entire medical section of Caius library is empty most of the year for no reason other than making sure no one else can get at the books), usually obsessive.
New Hall/Newnham/(sometimes Lucy Cav)
Desperate/feminist/lesbian/got in through the pool.
Engineer/NatSci
Either a wonderful level of weird and eccentric, or a big ball full of crazy.
LARPer
Odd, enjoys running round fields painted green with a fake sword.
Arts student (if you're a scientist)
Lazy, spends all day reading books and complaining about work.
That will do for now- more as I accumulate them myself.
Geraldine xxx
(Disclaimer: I'm aware these aren't always true- for example, I know some lovely people at Trinity, and some relatively sane engineers. I'm even dating a mathmo, so either these should be taken with a huge pinch of salt, or I'm completely insane (or both).)
Homerton/Girton
Three options: have giant thighs from the sheer amount of cycling necessary, spend vast amounts on bus fares, or never ever leave college. We are often tempted to set up a couple, one from each of these colleges, and watch either exhaustion set in or one move into the other's room.
Mathmo
Weird, even for Cambridge. Multiply this by about five if from Trinity.
Rower
Obsessive. Cares little about sleep.
Caius medic
Oddly competitive (to they point where the entire medical section of Caius library is empty most of the year for no reason other than making sure no one else can get at the books), usually obsessive.
New Hall/Newnham/(sometimes Lucy Cav)
Desperate/feminist/lesbian/got in through the pool.
Engineer/NatSci
Either a wonderful level of weird and eccentric, or a big ball full of crazy.
LARPer
Odd, enjoys running round fields painted green with a fake sword.
Arts student (if you're a scientist)
Lazy, spends all day reading books and complaining about work.
That will do for now- more as I accumulate them myself.
Geraldine xxx
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
On the Subject of Naming
Dear People-who-might-discover-and-get-to-name-stuff,
Please make sure, before you name things, that there is nothing else we might need to know called the same thing.
For example: it is not helpful to us to have both a part of the lung and a flap of tissue in the mouth called the 'lingula'.
Kindly fix this.
Lots of love
Felicity xxx
Please make sure, before you name things, that there is nothing else we might need to know called the same thing.
For example: it is not helpful to us to have both a part of the lung and a flap of tissue in the mouth called the 'lingula'.
Kindly fix this.
Lots of love
Felicity xxx
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Information Service
As well as making you all laugh, every now and then we like to believe we're assisting in your education. Of course, there's the stuff you learn in school (Ox-bow lakes in Geography, fractions in Maths, how to play with ball-bearings in Physics, dates in History, and so forth), and the stuff you learn at University (in medicine, as discussed below, mostly TLAs which you will half-remember about a week after your exam and then mix up, because basically everything does everything), but there are also the valuable life lessons you pick up along the way (like it's not a Caius bop unless someone goes to A&E, don't pick a fight with a moving vehicle [it will always win]). In order to prevent you from having to learn one of these the hard way, and in order to ensure you've all seen this gem of knowledge, I refer you to the fourth page of "Things I Learn From My Patients" in Geraldine's last post.
Namely, to this entry:
"the painless chancre of primary syphilis, the cauliflower-like growths of HPV, the blisters of herpes, and the urethral discharge of gonorrhea/chlamydia can, indeed, all exist on a single penis."
This falls under the general category of: for the love of all that is holy, use a condom.
Thank you. STDs 101 is now at an end.
Love,
Felicity xx
Namely, to this entry:
"the painless chancre of primary syphilis, the cauliflower-like growths of HPV, the blisters of herpes, and the urethral discharge of gonorrhea/chlamydia can, indeed, all exist on a single penis."
This falls under the general category of: for the love of all that is holy, use a condom.
Thank you. STDs 101 is now at an end.
Love,
Felicity xx
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Things We Learn From Our Patients
Just wanted to share this with you:
Things we learn from our patients
It'll reduce the chances of you waking up in A&E with one of us stood over you.
Laughing.
Things we learn from our patients
It'll reduce the chances of you waking up in A&E with one of us stood over you.
Laughing.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Confusion
We are, by now, quite used to learning vast amounts of what can be best described as scientific trivia about subjects we don't really fully understand. We have absolutely no problem when this means learning the names of things that follow a nice, simple, logical system, like if something is superioris then it's on top of something or higher up than something. We can also stretch to learning vast numbers of almost indentical TLAs (which, admittedly, were usually named relatively sensibly, but when the same molecule does about 20 different things, it gets a little more complicated). We are even capable of taken as read the weirder naming systems, such as the fact that the parts of the penis are named as if it is constantly erect. (We find this more disturbing than anything else, to be honest...)
We do however, hate things that are named as if completely by random selection, or at worst, entirely wrongly. Take this wonderful example from wikipedia and our homeostasis course:
'The structures that are usually called "apocrine sweat glands" actually secrete in a merocrine fashion.'
Right.
What actually happened was that some scientist genuinely thought they secreted as apocrine glands, and named them as such. Fair enough. However, people later found that they don't, and yet kept the name. I have absolutely no idea why- perhaps they thought it had a nice ring to it? Maybe they thought it would screw with our heads? Personally, I'm going with both, plus the fact that the original scientist would have been heartbroken had he been told he was wrong, so no one wanted to tell him.
Geraldine xxx
P.S. On a similar note, Douglas bags are really different from pouches of Douglas, but it's a bad thing to get fluid in either of them.
We do however, hate things that are named as if completely by random selection, or at worst, entirely wrongly. Take this wonderful example from wikipedia and our homeostasis course:
'The structures that are usually called "apocrine sweat glands" actually secrete in a merocrine fashion.'
Right.
What actually happened was that some scientist genuinely thought they secreted as apocrine glands, and named them as such. Fair enough. However, people later found that they don't, and yet kept the name. I have absolutely no idea why- perhaps they thought it had a nice ring to it? Maybe they thought it would screw with our heads? Personally, I'm going with both, plus the fact that the original scientist would have been heartbroken had he been told he was wrong, so no one wanted to tell him.
Geraldine xxx
P.S. On a similar note, Douglas bags are really different from pouches of Douglas, but it's a bad thing to get fluid in either of them.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Summer meetings
Now that we're away from Cambridge for even more prolonged periods of time than usual, things are very, very different. Therefore our meetups consist of purified crazy. For example, another quotation that was just too wonderful to be confined to the quotes page:
'Are you trying to persuade me to construct my own gimp mask out of papier mache? With glitter?'
Just a shame that Felicity wasn't there.
Geraldine xxx
Joanne (who will eventually write her very own post)
More posts to come once we've had enough of doing very little medicine...
'Are you trying to persuade me to construct my own gimp mask out of papier mache? With glitter?'
Just a shame that Felicity wasn't there.
Geraldine xxx
Joanne (who will eventually write her very own post)
More posts to come once we've had enough of doing very little medicine...
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
End of Easter 2009/End of First Year
Oh my word, you lot, we have survived an entire year at Cambridge - who would'a thunk it? We've had the results of our exams (well, we've had 'pass/fail' on our 2nd MB, and a class on our Tripos, which is as good as it gets for about the next month), we've had May Week, we've had to pack up our entire rooms and head back to our parents' houses (we've discovered how much stuff we managed to store in our overhead storage each previous holiday, woops), and we've had a few days to rest, recover, recuperate and get bored.
This term has been a weird one, compared with the others. Thanks to the exams, pretty much the whole of Cambridge goes into lock-down; everything just stops. For the middle half of term. It's incredible. Even the student bars close, what is up with that?! Anyway, as we were packing to leave Newnham we observed that, because May Week is the week after the end of Full Term, unlike in Michaelmas and Lent it felt like term wasn't quite finished when we all left - we reckon an extra couple of weeks' room rent wouldn't go amiss. Especially seeing as how Cambridge is stunningly beautiful in sunlight, and everyone likes it better with no work to do.
Anyway, as always, the point of this post is to let you know all the non-medical things we've learnt in this term. If you're really lucky, I'll get my act together and do a post of things it took us the whole year to work out! So:
What have we learnt?
That there is actually no real reason why you shouldn't stay up until 7am, go to bed, then get up before 10am and run 5k.
That, frankly, Easter term is weird, thanks to the whole no-lectures, lots-of-revision thing.
That it's completely normal to spend as much on the dress as on the ticket for a May Ball.
That it can be possible to get ready for a May Ball in under an hour and a half, and still look good.
That less is more, sometimes.
That without lectures, weeks pass almost without you noticing, and you forget which day of the week it is.
That facebook will ruin your degree, and wikipedia will save it.
That, in fact, you can get pretty far on last-minute cramming.
That Joanne should be the one responsible for organising everything.
That even in May Week, when you ought to not have much to do, there's barely time to breathe - just for a different reason.
That punting is not only really good fun, it's also hard work.
That it is, in fact, possible to survive on energy drinks and potatoes for six weeks without anyone noticing.
That this does not mean that's a good idea.
That some people reach 18 without ever having eaten asparagus (this came as a shock to some of us).
That there are hayfever medications which specifically say you can drink alcohol while taking them.
That it is surprisingly easy to spend a whole day in bed.
That there is little in this world more likely to make an entire year of one subject group panic than a typo on their exam paper which makes it unanswerable.
That there are major disadvantages to being one of the biggest subject groups in Cambridge: namely, several exam halls means chances that some of you will hear notices others don't.
That the examiners will practically never fail anyone's Tripos essays (hurrah!)
That Newnham's gardens are the prettiest.
That there is nothing in this world that says 'Cambridge' quite as strongly as the sight of a young man cycling along in his gown and black tie, holding a bottle of wine in one hand.
That having prior warning doesn't necessarily help (see exams).
That every now and then, the examiners have a moment of creativity, and the medics do not like the results.
That there is little more frustrating when trying to revise than badly-written lecture notes. Learn to punctuate, PLEASE!
That Julia is wrong when she says she hasn't been working hard enough and she will fail all her exams.
That you can go several weeks without seeing people in your own college, almost without noticing.
That if you don't see some people above once a day, you start missing them.
That Felicity is spectacularly good at getting her priorities wrong.
That there is very little as soothing as Disney and tea on a bad day.
That having a break halfway through your exam season doesn't actually increase the amount of revision you do for the exams after the break.
That when Felicity is knitting, what starts off looking odd and unlike anything can end up being adorably animal-shaped.
That when Julia spends too much time revising, seagulls made of fluff and felt may result.
That mealtimes are very, very flexible.
That nothing throws your body clock and appetite off quite like eating constantly from 9pm until 4am and then sleeping until 1pm.
I think that will do for now, hope everyone has a great summer and watch out for "advice for incoming Freshers" before October!
Love,
Felicity xxx (bored back at her parents')
This term has been a weird one, compared with the others. Thanks to the exams, pretty much the whole of Cambridge goes into lock-down; everything just stops. For the middle half of term. It's incredible. Even the student bars close, what is up with that?! Anyway, as we were packing to leave Newnham we observed that, because May Week is the week after the end of Full Term, unlike in Michaelmas and Lent it felt like term wasn't quite finished when we all left - we reckon an extra couple of weeks' room rent wouldn't go amiss. Especially seeing as how Cambridge is stunningly beautiful in sunlight, and everyone likes it better with no work to do.
Anyway, as always, the point of this post is to let you know all the non-medical things we've learnt in this term. If you're really lucky, I'll get my act together and do a post of things it took us the whole year to work out! So:
What have we learnt?
That there is actually no real reason why you shouldn't stay up until 7am, go to bed, then get up before 10am and run 5k.
That, frankly, Easter term is weird, thanks to the whole no-lectures, lots-of-revision thing.
That it's completely normal to spend as much on the dress as on the ticket for a May Ball.
That it can be possible to get ready for a May Ball in under an hour and a half, and still look good.
That less is more, sometimes.
That without lectures, weeks pass almost without you noticing, and you forget which day of the week it is.
That facebook will ruin your degree, and wikipedia will save it.
That, in fact, you can get pretty far on last-minute cramming.
That Joanne should be the one responsible for organising everything.
That even in May Week, when you ought to not have much to do, there's barely time to breathe - just for a different reason.
That punting is not only really good fun, it's also hard work.
That it is, in fact, possible to survive on energy drinks and potatoes for six weeks without anyone noticing.
That this does not mean that's a good idea.
That some people reach 18 without ever having eaten asparagus (this came as a shock to some of us).
That there are hayfever medications which specifically say you can drink alcohol while taking them.
That it is surprisingly easy to spend a whole day in bed.
That there is little in this world more likely to make an entire year of one subject group panic than a typo on their exam paper which makes it unanswerable.
That there are major disadvantages to being one of the biggest subject groups in Cambridge: namely, several exam halls means chances that some of you will hear notices others don't.
That the examiners will practically never fail anyone's Tripos essays (hurrah!)
That Newnham's gardens are the prettiest.
That there is nothing in this world that says 'Cambridge' quite as strongly as the sight of a young man cycling along in his gown and black tie, holding a bottle of wine in one hand.
That having prior warning doesn't necessarily help (see exams).
That every now and then, the examiners have a moment of creativity, and the medics do not like the results.
That there is little more frustrating when trying to revise than badly-written lecture notes. Learn to punctuate, PLEASE!
That Julia is wrong when she says she hasn't been working hard enough and she will fail all her exams.
That you can go several weeks without seeing people in your own college, almost without noticing.
That if you don't see some people above once a day, you start missing them.
That Felicity is spectacularly good at getting her priorities wrong.
That there is very little as soothing as Disney and tea on a bad day.
That having a break halfway through your exam season doesn't actually increase the amount of revision you do for the exams after the break.
That when Felicity is knitting, what starts off looking odd and unlike anything can end up being adorably animal-shaped.
That when Julia spends too much time revising, seagulls made of fluff and felt may result.
That mealtimes are very, very flexible.
That nothing throws your body clock and appetite off quite like eating constantly from 9pm until 4am and then sleeping until 1pm.
I think that will do for now, hope everyone has a great summer and watch out for "advice for incoming Freshers" before October!
Love,
Felicity xxx (bored back at her parents')
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
May Week
As much as we thought that following exams, we would have all the time in the world to do crazy things like teaching Julia to ride a bike, and initiating a giant game of pass the parcel in market square, a few things have happened to come up (garden parties and May balls, for instance). Really, we just wanted to let you know that we're still alive and having oodles and oodles of fun, and that better posts chronicling the past term will be written at some point during the vast expanse of summer ahead of us (oh the plans we have...)
Most of all, we wanted to pass on a small piece of advice: when your chaplain offers you sandwiches, one of the least appropriate things to do is tell him that he is like a drug dealer.
Felicity should not drink.
Geraldine xxx
Most of all, we wanted to pass on a small piece of advice: when your chaplain offers you sandwiches, one of the least appropriate things to do is tell him that he is like a drug dealer.
Felicity should not drink.
Geraldine xxx
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Post-Exam Resolutions
Our exams run from 9am on Monday, 1st June to 3:15pm on Tuesday, 9th June.
We have a series of resolutions for post-3:15 9/06/09, which are as follows (everyone else - please add yours):
Felicity: have a drink (Pimm's, or G&T, or champagne, or bellini, or...anything with alcohol, basically) in hand by no later than 3:30pm on the 9th.
Felicity: remain pleasantly tipsy (that is, giggly-drunk) until leaving Cambridge at the end of the next week, with the brief exception of a few hours on the 14th to run 5k for charity.
Felicity: spend as much time as possible (i.e. nearly all of it) in either skirts or dresses. Be giggly. Be girly.
Felicity: tidy, clean and generally recover my room - revision makes it hard to find the bed...and the floor. Also tidy up tags and so forth on the blog, and re-do my facebook page, and...yeah, that stuff.
Felicity: on the evening of the 9th: locate the bath in Kennedy (apparently it's huge) and spend at least an hour in it. With champagne, or a glass of wine.
Julia: Be over dressed. All week.
Julia: Thwart plans to get me drunk! My liver shall be saved!
Julia: Pull an all nighter. Trashy films anyone?
Julia: Educate the others. Princess bride!
Everyone: try coco-pops and Bailey's. For breakfast.
Everyone: get Julia drunk. For Science!
Everyone: bake at least one thing while drunk.
We have a series of resolutions for post-3:15 9/06/09, which are as follows (everyone else - please add yours):
Felicity: have a drink (Pimm's, or G&T, or champagne, or bellini, or...anything with alcohol, basically) in hand by no later than 3:30pm on the 9th.
Felicity: remain pleasantly tipsy (that is, giggly-drunk) until leaving Cambridge at the end of the next week, with the brief exception of a few hours on the 14th to run 5k for charity.
Felicity: spend as much time as possible (i.e. nearly all of it) in either skirts or dresses. Be giggly. Be girly.
Felicity: tidy, clean and generally recover my room - revision makes it hard to find the bed...and the floor. Also tidy up tags and so forth on the blog, and re-do my facebook page, and...yeah, that stuff.
Felicity: on the evening of the 9th: locate the bath in Kennedy (apparently it's huge) and spend at least an hour in it. With champagne, or a glass of wine.
Julia: Be over dressed. All week.
Julia: Thwart plans to get me drunk! My liver shall be saved!
Julia: Pull an all nighter. Trashy films anyone?
Julia: Educate the others. Princess bride!
Everyone: try coco-pops and Bailey's. For breakfast.
Everyone: get Julia drunk. For Science!
Everyone: bake at least one thing while drunk.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Exam Stress
OK, so maybe Easter term is getting to us all...this is why you can often find us in panic-induced fits, experiencing catatonia, spending ridiculous amounts of time baking, or trying to lick each other. Well aware that this may confirm a Newnham stereotype, I wanted to share a quotation with you to dispel any rumours,and that was just too wonderful to simply be added to the quotations post:
'Julia, why do you keep putting oiled men into my head?'
'The grease makes them easier to get in.'
It is often said that we've finally lost it. This is in fact incorrect, as we obviously never had it.
Geraldine xxx
'Julia, why do you keep putting oiled men into my head?'
'The grease makes them easier to get in.'
It is often said that we've finally lost it. This is in fact incorrect, as we obviously never had it.
Geraldine xxx
Thursday, May 7, 2009
More on Lecture Notes
"I have deliberately avoided a fully-worded handout" - oh, please don't. We like fully-worded handouts...we'll take notes if we want to, but if you don't put it in the handout, we'll forget it.
"Almost all the content of these lectures is contained in [insert textbook authors' names here]. I suggest you buy and read it anyway." Yes, because we have time to read textbooks.
Later in the same handout:
"If you or your supervisors are still mystified..." IF?
You get extra credit in your Tripos essays if you provide evidence that you have read outside the lecture notes. This sounds great - rewarding scholarship, or something - but is actually rubbish, because you'll only have time to do extra reading if you give up sleeping, eating, or socialising (where 'socialising' means 'seeing anyone other than at lectures' in this context).
Love,
A frustrated Felicity xxx
Geraldine xxx
"Almost all the content of these lectures is contained in [insert textbook authors' names here]. I suggest you buy and read it anyway." Yes, because we have time to read textbooks.
Later in the same handout:
"If you or your supervisors are still mystified..." IF?
You get extra credit in your Tripos essays if you provide evidence that you have read outside the lecture notes. This sounds great - rewarding scholarship, or something - but is actually rubbish, because you'll only have time to do extra reading if you give up sleeping, eating, or socialising (where 'socialising' means 'seeing anyone other than at lectures' in this context).
Love,
A frustrated Felicity xxx
Geraldine xxx
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Lecture Notes
Are not always helpful as they should be:
'The adrenal medulla is a specialised collection of postganglionic sympathetic cells called the adrenal medulla.'
It's true, sure...but not exactly a mine of information.
Geraldine xxx
'The adrenal medulla is a specialised collection of postganglionic sympathetic cells called the adrenal medulla.'
It's true, sure...but not exactly a mine of information.
Geraldine xxx
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Angsting, the Newnham Medics way
I drink an awful lot of tea, often when I have people in my room: I have five different types of tea, and an array of mugs that's at least as good at predicting people's character as star signs are. I also have a kettle - it's something of a family heirloom. I believe it went to university with my mother, and I'm certain my grandmother used it when it was new. It holds just enough water for one mug, and it doesn't have a thermostat in it, so it continues to heat the water until you unplug it, making it really easy to boil over.
Obviously, it would be sensible to buy a kettle which is both larger and has one of these thermostats (such as, say, any kettle you can find or buy anywhere). But here we run into a problem.
This problem is that the guy usually credited with inventing these thermostats is one John C. Taylor, he who designed, had built, paid for and gifted to Corpus the infamous Corpus Clock. There is nothing in Cambridge I hate quite as much as this clock. I cannot bring myself to part with money knowing that some of it will go to his personal fortune, thanks to royalties, and possibly bring about something equally hideous to be given to another institution.
Thoughts, anyone?
Love,
Felicity xxx
Obviously, it would be sensible to buy a kettle which is both larger and has one of these thermostats (such as, say, any kettle you can find or buy anywhere). But here we run into a problem.
This problem is that the guy usually credited with inventing these thermostats is one John C. Taylor, he who designed, had built, paid for and gifted to Corpus the infamous Corpus Clock. There is nothing in Cambridge I hate quite as much as this clock. I cannot bring myself to part with money knowing that some of it will go to his personal fortune, thanks to royalties, and possibly bring about something equally hideous to be given to another institution.
Thoughts, anyone?
Love,
Felicity xxx
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Dumping the Medics
Don't- just don't.
Seeing as when you date one of the Newnham medics, you effectively date all of the Newnham medics, dumping one means that you dump all of them. While this may initially seem like a weight of purified crazy off your shoulders, it also means that you have about 11 vindicitive females after your blood. Vindictive, creative and quite intelligent females...who know about 10 ways to kill you, and many more to cause you pain. Every time the vaguest thought that a relationship might have ended crosses the collective (and it is most definitely collective) mind of the medics, a number of revenge strategies are formulated, each more horrifying and potentially embarrassing than the last, some of which have involved the combination of sellotape, hats and eggs. This was from the fluffy medic...
You have been warned.
Geraldine xxx
Seeing as when you date one of the Newnham medics, you effectively date all of the Newnham medics, dumping one means that you dump all of them. While this may initially seem like a weight of purified crazy off your shoulders, it also means that you have about 11 vindicitive females after your blood. Vindictive, creative and quite intelligent females...who know about 10 ways to kill you, and many more to cause you pain. Every time the vaguest thought that a relationship might have ended crosses the collective (and it is most definitely collective) mind of the medics, a number of revenge strategies are formulated, each more horrifying and potentially embarrassing than the last, some of which have involved the combination of sellotape, hats and eggs. This was from the fluffy medic...
You have been warned.
Geraldine xxx
Friday, April 17, 2009
Lecturers
These are the people who are kinda supposed to be teaching you the majority of the things you'll learn on your course. They come in many varieties, some of whom we have already come across.
1- The 'Wait, What?' Guy
You read the notes, you go to the lectures, you nod along. You read through the notes later, and realise that absolutely nothing of what he said made any sense to you at all. You might even be under the impression that said lecturer is amazing and perfect...until you try to learn what he taught you.
2- The 'Look What I Did!' Guy
This guy cares very little about teaching you medicine. In fact, he cares little about teaching you anything apart from all the fascinating experiments he was involved in. It doesn't matter to him that these experiments were conducted on snails, and as a doctor you'll mainly be treating people rather than invertebrates- they were very important, and he was involved. If you're lucky enough, he'll even point out to the entire lecture theatre his hideous choice of clothing via an introductory slide including photographs.
3- The 'Look What Cambridge Did!' Guy
Same as above, but talks incessantly about every major medical advance that occurs in Cambridge. Turns out there are a LOT of them. This is actually pretty much every lecturer you'll have.
4- Professor Awesome
The lecture notes explain everything, but you will still attend his lectures simply because he is amazing. They are informative, without giving you useless detail, while actually being hilarious. This accounts for maybe two lecturers you will have.
5- Professor Nearly-Awesome
His lecture notes are practically perfect. His lectures are clear and easy to follow, he tells you exactly what you need to know at a speed you can keep up with, and even finishes early for lunch "because we've done enough for today" sometimes. But there's something...off. His accent is distracting, or he waves his hands around in a way that makes it almost impossible to take him seriously, he plans ahead for his moments of spontaneity, or he makes jokes that just aren't funny. So near to Professor Awesome, and yet so far.
6- The 'Priorities Wrong' Guy
This guy will spend 20 minutes of the lecture telling you how 9 is less than 20, and then rush through the complicated biochemistry he was meant to be teaching you. On checking the lecture notes, you'll find that he only got through half of what he was meant to in that lecture...the half that made sense to you beforehand.
7- Professor Mumbles
Despite the microphone, this lecturer manages to make half of each sentence inaudible - even to those in the second row. The clue here is enunciation, something they just don't teach any more, it would seem. Sometimes a subset of Professor Nearly-Awesome.
8- The "Hang On, Where In The Notes Exactly Is This?" Guy
You're in your lecture, nodding along, writing stuff in margins, and suddenly you realise that you're running out of room because, quite frankly, the overlap between what's being said and what is written seems mostly to be in the use of conjunctions and the occasional noun, rather than content. This is extremely disorientating. Particularly deadly when combined with Professor Mumbles, above.
9- Professor Rockstar
Has the aging rockstar look about him- vague London accent, slightly mad hair and just the right dress sense. One day you will discover that he is actually in a band, and this will make your day.
More to come as we meet them...
Geraldine xxx
1- The 'Wait, What?' Guy
You read the notes, you go to the lectures, you nod along. You read through the notes later, and realise that absolutely nothing of what he said made any sense to you at all. You might even be under the impression that said lecturer is amazing and perfect...until you try to learn what he taught you.
2- The 'Look What I Did!' Guy
This guy cares very little about teaching you medicine. In fact, he cares little about teaching you anything apart from all the fascinating experiments he was involved in. It doesn't matter to him that these experiments were conducted on snails, and as a doctor you'll mainly be treating people rather than invertebrates- they were very important, and he was involved. If you're lucky enough, he'll even point out to the entire lecture theatre his hideous choice of clothing via an introductory slide including photographs.
3- The 'Look What Cambridge Did!' Guy
Same as above, but talks incessantly about every major medical advance that occurs in Cambridge. Turns out there are a LOT of them. This is actually pretty much every lecturer you'll have.
4- Professor Awesome
The lecture notes explain everything, but you will still attend his lectures simply because he is amazing. They are informative, without giving you useless detail, while actually being hilarious. This accounts for maybe two lecturers you will have.
5- Professor Nearly-Awesome
His lecture notes are practically perfect. His lectures are clear and easy to follow, he tells you exactly what you need to know at a speed you can keep up with, and even finishes early for lunch "because we've done enough for today" sometimes. But there's something...off. His accent is distracting, or he waves his hands around in a way that makes it almost impossible to take him seriously, he plans ahead for his moments of spontaneity, or he makes jokes that just aren't funny. So near to Professor Awesome, and yet so far.
6- The 'Priorities Wrong' Guy
This guy will spend 20 minutes of the lecture telling you how 9 is less than 20, and then rush through the complicated biochemistry he was meant to be teaching you. On checking the lecture notes, you'll find that he only got through half of what he was meant to in that lecture...the half that made sense to you beforehand.
7- Professor Mumbles
Despite the microphone, this lecturer manages to make half of each sentence inaudible - even to those in the second row. The clue here is enunciation, something they just don't teach any more, it would seem. Sometimes a subset of Professor Nearly-Awesome.
8- The "Hang On, Where In The Notes Exactly Is This?" Guy
You're in your lecture, nodding along, writing stuff in margins, and suddenly you realise that you're running out of room because, quite frankly, the overlap between what's being said and what is written seems mostly to be in the use of conjunctions and the occasional noun, rather than content. This is extremely disorientating. Particularly deadly when combined with Professor Mumbles, above.
9- Professor Rockstar
Has the aging rockstar look about him- vague London accent, slightly mad hair and just the right dress sense. One day you will discover that he is actually in a band, and this will make your day.
More to come as we meet them...
Geraldine xxx
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
You can learn stuff in the holidays, too
Geraldine and I have both learnt something in the last couple of weeks.
Namely: it's not a great idea to tell people you're going "home" on such-and-such a date when your parents are in the room...and you're currently staying in your parents' house.
Can be hard to remember.
Anyway, I'm going home tomorrow! Joanne's already there, and Julia and Geraldine are joining us on Sunday - can't wait!
Lots of love
Felicity xxx
Geraldine xxx
Namely: it's not a great idea to tell people you're going "home" on such-and-such a date when your parents are in the room...and you're currently staying in your parents' house.
Can be hard to remember.
Anyway, I'm going home tomorrow! Joanne's already there, and Julia and Geraldine are joining us on Sunday - can't wait!
Lots of love
Felicity xxx
Geraldine xxx
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Felicity Does Cultured for an evening!
Hello, everyone!
Last night I was in London to see the musical Wicked, and it was absolutely fantastic - I loved practically every song, and although it wasn't true to the book (which I did read a while back), I still loved the plot and the changes they put in. It did make it a significantly less dark story, but that's quite alright by me - I'd rather not emerge from the theatre wanting to slit my wrists (as I did after seeing Three Sisters in Cambridge)!
Favourite song? Has to be "I'm Not That Girl" - go and YouTube it, trust me, it's worth it. In fact, just go see the musical :)
As an aside: www.spotify.com is wonderful if you can't be bothered to buy music.
Love,
Felicity xxx
Last night I was in London to see the musical Wicked, and it was absolutely fantastic - I loved practically every song, and although it wasn't true to the book (which I did read a while back), I still loved the plot and the changes they put in. It did make it a significantly less dark story, but that's quite alright by me - I'd rather not emerge from the theatre wanting to slit my wrists (as I did after seeing Three Sisters in Cambridge)!
Favourite song? Has to be "I'm Not That Girl" - go and YouTube it, trust me, it's worth it. In fact, just go see the musical :)
As an aside: www.spotify.com is wonderful if you can't be bothered to buy music.
Love,
Felicity xxx
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Dresses
Ahem, this would be the additional post on dresses.
The so awful it's beautiful: This will be a dress, preferably almost evening wear, it is flattering, fits but will almost inevitably skirt the boundaries of being hideous.
The summer dress: This will be both beautiful and flattering with clear summery colours and *just* the right amount of skin visible... however, it is covered in skulls.
The SMEG YES!: This dress will be devastatingly beautiful, it will make you feel like an empress. It will however, not be quite right for evening wear nor day wear, nor the majority of social situations. It will be GOTH. It will have lace and black and fabulousness. It is the sort of dress you just want to moon about in and write poetry in a haze of musky perfume while delicately holding a single blood red rose...
The so awful it's beautiful: This will be a dress, preferably almost evening wear, it is flattering, fits but will almost inevitably skirt the boundaries of being hideous.
The summer dress: This will be both beautiful and flattering with clear summery colours and *just* the right amount of skin visible... however, it is covered in skulls.
The SMEG YES!: This dress will be devastatingly beautiful, it will make you feel like an empress. It will however, not be quite right for evening wear nor day wear, nor the majority of social situations. It will be GOTH. It will have lace and black and fabulousness. It is the sort of dress you just want to moon about in and write poetry in a haze of musky perfume while delicately holding a single blood red rose...
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Dresses
I know that, theoretically, we're in Cambridge to learn stuff in order to help people and junk like that, but this illusion lasts about three days after you originally arrive. The real reason why we are at The University of Cambridge is parties, and (major thing you learn at Cambridge) parties mean dresses.
There are, however, different sorts of dresses, and only one is appropriate for any given event. Allow us to educate you.
Obviously, there are:
- Cocktail dresses
Knee-length or slightly shorter, stunning, and appropriate for anything called a formal or involving drinks. Not appropriate for balls of any description.
- Ball gowns
Longer than a cocktail dress - preferably long (ankle length or longer) and elegant. Makes you look tall and slim and gorgeous because you hide heels underneath. Are a glorious colour (best if just one colour, usually). OTT for drinks, probably ok for a formal if you're wearing your gown and feel like being the best-dressed person there; ideal for balls. Clue's in the name, really.
- Day dresses
Please don't wear these over jeans. We're not talking wrap dresses or slightly-longer-than-average jumpers and tops here, we're talking actual dresses. Go from "hmm, is that a bit short?" length to a little bit below knee-length (be warned: mid-calf length is the LEAST flattering length in existence, and no one other than 6-foot-tall supermodels should try it. It just makes you look short), and are whimsical and cute and girly in the summer, and just great in winter.
- Party dresses
This is like an extra-special cocktail dress. It's sparklier. It's flashier. It's more in-your-face. It cannot be ignored. It is one of your favourite dresses; it's the one you pick for drinks and similar occasions when you want everyone to remember you and your dress. It is fantastic, and just putting it on makes the party start. Remember: when wearing your party dress, everywhere you go is an Event.
- Sun dresses
These are like summer day dresses, only more fun. Think whimsical, girly and cute, with an added dollop of summer. Perfect for, say, punting on the Cam, drinking champagne, eating strawberries and tripping around meadows in the sun. Did I hear someone mutter the word "delusional"?
- Tea gowns
OK, so we haven't actually had a need for one of these yet, but we're sure it's going to happen. It's sheer or translucent, it's pastel, it's flowing, it's between that danger-length of mid-calf and ankle-length (a much better idea), it's for sitting around at home drinking tea in. It sounds wonderful. We tend to drink tea in our dressing gowns, and might have to change this.
- Evening gowns
A slightly less OTT version of a ball gown. It's likely to be more ankle-length, and less sweeping-the-floor-length. This one is perfect for formals, if you don't feel like being the most fabulous person there (why not?), and probably what I would generally choose for drinks (because I do like being the most fabulously overdressed person at any given occasion).
- Pinafore dresses
These are the ones that you wear over a shirt or a polo neck sweater instead of a day dress in winter when you feel like being layered. They're awesome. They remind everyone of '20s school girls. This can only be a good thing.
But these are not the only sorts of dresses. These are not essentials. Obviously, we all want to have as many of each of these as possible, but there are certain Dresses every woman must own.
The Little Black Dress is usually a cocktail dress (hence "little"). It's what you wear to New Years', to drinks, to dinners out, to the theatre, to...well, everything, really. It's gorgeous. It's black. It's stylish and simple and you wear it with killer heels and sparkly jewellery and eye shadow in fantastic colours. It shows off legs and shoulders and possibly back and cleavage, too. It is, frankly, essential.
The Revenge Dress is a tricky one. It is the dress you wear to the first event your new ex might attend. This dress gives you confidence; it makes you fantastic. It shows just exactly the right amount of flesh, accentuates all the bits of you you love, flatters all the bits you love slightly less, and is utterly unforgettable. This is the dress so stunning that every man who sees you in it loves you instantly and every guy who had the chance to be with you forever and wasted it instantly regrets it. Annoyingly, it can vary from ex to ex, and you can only wear it as a revenge dress, so it doesn't get much use - because, obviously, any guy who saw you in your previous revenge dress will hang onto you for as long as he can (provided you have plenty of photos of yourself in said revenge dress, to refresh his memory).
The "What? I just threw this on!" Dress, which you insist you've "had for years" (you probably have) but which you know looks fabulous. This one is not so much an evening dress as a during the day dress - it's for when you accidentally happen to be getting coffee at his favourite coffee shop at the time you know he'll be needing a fix; it's for when you trip into the library to pick up a book you need right now that you've been putting off getting until you know he's working there. It's the one you wear when you're going to see him with the new girlfriend and you want to look stunning without looking like you've put any effort in.
The "Covers All Sins" Dress for when you're feeling unattractive and possibly slightly bloated and you need something extremely flattering and bright to draw everyone's attention away from your complexion and general demeanour. The less said about this one, the better...it is necessary, but we like to pretend it doesn't exist.
The Princess Dress makes you feel like a princess. What's more, it makes everyone around you treat you like one. This is the one you get given free cocktails in. This is the one you accessorise with a tiara.
We will add more to this as we go on and discover more dresses we cannot do without. Obviously, every woman needs a cocktail dress, a ball gown, and a party dress, at least, plus a couple of day dresses or sun dresses...but these are less specific.
While we're on the subject of being dressed up: the walk of shame. Please, if you're going to do this, at least make sure the dress you do it in is one that will still look good after being left in a crumpled heap all night, and makes it obvious that whatever it was you attended last night, it was one hell of a party. The closer to white-tie equivalent you get, the more points you get. Remember: everyone does this once while at university. Make your once fantastic.
Love,
Felicity xxx
There are, however, different sorts of dresses, and only one is appropriate for any given event. Allow us to educate you.
Obviously, there are:
- Cocktail dresses
Knee-length or slightly shorter, stunning, and appropriate for anything called a formal or involving drinks. Not appropriate for balls of any description.
- Ball gowns
Longer than a cocktail dress - preferably long (ankle length or longer) and elegant. Makes you look tall and slim and gorgeous because you hide heels underneath. Are a glorious colour (best if just one colour, usually). OTT for drinks, probably ok for a formal if you're wearing your gown and feel like being the best-dressed person there; ideal for balls. Clue's in the name, really.
- Day dresses
Please don't wear these over jeans. We're not talking wrap dresses or slightly-longer-than-average jumpers and tops here, we're talking actual dresses. Go from "hmm, is that a bit short?" length to a little bit below knee-length (be warned: mid-calf length is the LEAST flattering length in existence, and no one other than 6-foot-tall supermodels should try it. It just makes you look short), and are whimsical and cute and girly in the summer, and just great in winter.
- Party dresses
This is like an extra-special cocktail dress. It's sparklier. It's flashier. It's more in-your-face. It cannot be ignored. It is one of your favourite dresses; it's the one you pick for drinks and similar occasions when you want everyone to remember you and your dress. It is fantastic, and just putting it on makes the party start. Remember: when wearing your party dress, everywhere you go is an Event.
- Sun dresses
These are like summer day dresses, only more fun. Think whimsical, girly and cute, with an added dollop of summer. Perfect for, say, punting on the Cam, drinking champagne, eating strawberries and tripping around meadows in the sun. Did I hear someone mutter the word "delusional"?
- Tea gowns
OK, so we haven't actually had a need for one of these yet, but we're sure it's going to happen. It's sheer or translucent, it's pastel, it's flowing, it's between that danger-length of mid-calf and ankle-length (a much better idea), it's for sitting around at home drinking tea in. It sounds wonderful. We tend to drink tea in our dressing gowns, and might have to change this.
- Evening gowns
A slightly less OTT version of a ball gown. It's likely to be more ankle-length, and less sweeping-the-floor-length. This one is perfect for formals, if you don't feel like being the most fabulous person there (why not?), and probably what I would generally choose for drinks (because I do like being the most fabulously overdressed person at any given occasion).
- Pinafore dresses
These are the ones that you wear over a shirt or a polo neck sweater instead of a day dress in winter when you feel like being layered. They're awesome. They remind everyone of '20s school girls. This can only be a good thing.
But these are not the only sorts of dresses. These are not essentials. Obviously, we all want to have as many of each of these as possible, but there are certain Dresses every woman must own.
The Little Black Dress is usually a cocktail dress (hence "little"). It's what you wear to New Years', to drinks, to dinners out, to the theatre, to...well, everything, really. It's gorgeous. It's black. It's stylish and simple and you wear it with killer heels and sparkly jewellery and eye shadow in fantastic colours. It shows off legs and shoulders and possibly back and cleavage, too. It is, frankly, essential.
The Revenge Dress is a tricky one. It is the dress you wear to the first event your new ex might attend. This dress gives you confidence; it makes you fantastic. It shows just exactly the right amount of flesh, accentuates all the bits of you you love, flatters all the bits you love slightly less, and is utterly unforgettable. This is the dress so stunning that every man who sees you in it loves you instantly and every guy who had the chance to be with you forever and wasted it instantly regrets it. Annoyingly, it can vary from ex to ex, and you can only wear it as a revenge dress, so it doesn't get much use - because, obviously, any guy who saw you in your previous revenge dress will hang onto you for as long as he can (provided you have plenty of photos of yourself in said revenge dress, to refresh his memory).
The "What? I just threw this on!" Dress, which you insist you've "had for years" (you probably have) but which you know looks fabulous. This one is not so much an evening dress as a during the day dress - it's for when you accidentally happen to be getting coffee at his favourite coffee shop at the time you know he'll be needing a fix; it's for when you trip into the library to pick up a book you need right now that you've been putting off getting until you know he's working there. It's the one you wear when you're going to see him with the new girlfriend and you want to look stunning without looking like you've put any effort in.
The "Covers All Sins" Dress for when you're feeling unattractive and possibly slightly bloated and you need something extremely flattering and bright to draw everyone's attention away from your complexion and general demeanour. The less said about this one, the better...it is necessary, but we like to pretend it doesn't exist.
The Princess Dress makes you feel like a princess. What's more, it makes everyone around you treat you like one. This is the one you get given free cocktails in. This is the one you accessorise with a tiara.
We will add more to this as we go on and discover more dresses we cannot do without. Obviously, every woman needs a cocktail dress, a ball gown, and a party dress, at least, plus a couple of day dresses or sun dresses...but these are less specific.
While we're on the subject of being dressed up: the walk of shame. Please, if you're going to do this, at least make sure the dress you do it in is one that will still look good after being left in a crumpled heap all night, and makes it obvious that whatever it was you attended last night, it was one hell of a party. The closer to white-tie equivalent you get, the more points you get. Remember: everyone does this once while at university. Make your once fantastic.
Love,
Felicity xxx
Monday, March 30, 2009
Packing for Cambridge: The Essential Guide
The usual university packing advice includes things like battery chargers and paperwork. This is relatively unimportant, as you will find yourself able to cope without whatever the charger would have charged, and without being able to prove that you're either alive or literate, and possibly even both, with a little practice. More important are a number of things that should never be forgotten, or will require an emergency parental visit.
A stunningly beautiful cocktail dress. Preferably a few of these, but of course a really wonderful LBD is essential. Similarly, a spectacular evening dress or two will be used more than you could ever expect (partly because inventing excuses to wear them becomes a hobby), and there are major bonus points for corsetry.
Anything with geek credentials. Bascially, if you bought it on ThinkGeek, it will triple in value in Cambridge. If you, like me, own molecular jewellery, the day you move is a perfect day to wear it, and for the very first time have multiple people identify the molecule strung around your neck.
The junk that lines your walls at home. And, for that matter, the floor, the cupboards, the bed and the windowsills. You will fill boxes with this stuff, never have any practical purpose for it, and spend hours arranging it all neatly on your shelves. But it will be worth it.
Any film with Johnny Depp or Hugh Grant in it. I would be the last to admit that I watch this trash. However, despite a computer filled with high-brow art flicks and meaningful classics, it's always the rubbishy rom-coms that get watched.
Sad as it is to admit, I'm such a girl at heart.
A stunningly beautiful cocktail dress. Preferably a few of these, but of course a really wonderful LBD is essential. Similarly, a spectacular evening dress or two will be used more than you could ever expect (partly because inventing excuses to wear them becomes a hobby), and there are major bonus points for corsetry.
Anything with geek credentials. Bascially, if you bought it on ThinkGeek, it will triple in value in Cambridge. If you, like me, own molecular jewellery, the day you move is a perfect day to wear it, and for the very first time have multiple people identify the molecule strung around your neck.
The junk that lines your walls at home. And, for that matter, the floor, the cupboards, the bed and the windowsills. You will fill boxes with this stuff, never have any practical purpose for it, and spend hours arranging it all neatly on your shelves. But it will be worth it.
Any film with Johnny Depp or Hugh Grant in it. I would be the last to admit that I watch this trash. However, despite a computer filled with high-brow art flicks and meaningful classics, it's always the rubbishy rom-coms that get watched.
Sad as it is to admit, I'm such a girl at heart.
Monday, March 23, 2009
End of Lent 2009
Wow, so apparently somewhere along the way we survived our second term in Cambridge. Term finished on Thursday the 12th of March, but we all had exams on the 13th and then there was end of term larking-about to be done, so this update got put off somewhat. However, we have learnt stuff this term, so here goes...
What have we learnt this term?
That there are few problems in our lives that can't be summarised and entirely explained by throwing our hands in the air and exclaiming "Men!"
That you get odd looks if you sit in the same coffee shop three days in a row and throw your hands in the air and exclaim "Men!" each time.
That sometimes, someone will look so, so ill that even the anatomy demonstrators will send them home from sessions they must attend.
That you can form an accurate judgement of someone's character depending on which of Felicity's mugs they choose to drink their tea from.
That it is actually possible to pack up your whole room in slightly over two hours, with a hangover.
That burlesque nights are the best thing ever.
That no man will ignore you when you are wearing a corset.
That no matter how much you believe your current situation is unique, someone knows a song about it.
That there is no reason why you shouldn't walk halfway through Newnham carrying a roast joint.
That there are some situations in which medicine is actually interesting and a valid addition to the conversation, but you should probably let the non-medics in the group decide that.
That the four of us (Felicity, Joanne, Geraldine and Julia) are terrifying en masse (see "Blind Date" for details).
That Felicity can continue to play the piano and make musical phrases after she has lost the ability to make conversation.
That no one in love ever listens to sense.
That there is nothing better than returning to College to find something odd in your pigeonhole (this term has witnessed a raven, a giraffe, and three hippos being found in our pigeonholes at various points).
That you need to be very careful when *headdesk*ing during dissection, as there's often a dead body in the way.
That it is actually possible to completely forget you're dissecting a whole body, and so be freaked out by finding a hand attached to an arm when you move parts of the body bag aside.
That you get remarkably few comments on the facebook status "Joanne held a warm human heart today".
That love is not enough.
That there is a lot to be said for turning up to Compline after a formal with a group of people (slightly intoxicated to drunk) as large as the rest of the congregation put together.
That Cambridge can become home in under two terms.
That you don't necessarily lose your toes to frostbite as a result of walking around Cambridge in bare feet at three in the morning in February.
That there is virtually always someone willing to walk you home, if you ask nicely enough.
That Felicity is about as perceptive as the average doorpost when it comes to men.
That Felicity broadcasts her emotions so obviously that even a below-average doorpost can tell who she's interested in.
That it's not a Caius bop unless someone takes a trip to Addenbrooke's A&E department.
That the spikes on top of railings create a wound that looks like a stab wound.
That there is no situation so bad that the application of tea, coffee, hot chocolate, crumpets, hot cross buns, toast, ice cream, hugs, a film or some combination of the above will not fix it.
That cake > men. Without exception. It's just the hormones talking when you disagree.
That there are too few exceptions to the rule "all men are bastards some of the time".
That girls can be rubbish, too.
That, when it gets really bad, one of the great things about Newnham is that you can eat chocolate and cry and everyone will look after you.
That Cambridge is home.
That the arrival of spring makes everything a whole lot better.
That being taken out for coffee, or lunch, or dinner, or in fact anywhere out, does wonders for your self-esteem.
This...got a little more depressing than I was intending. I'll try to remember some cheerful stuff!
Love,
Felicity xxx
What have we learnt this term?
That there are few problems in our lives that can't be summarised and entirely explained by throwing our hands in the air and exclaiming "Men!"
That you get odd looks if you sit in the same coffee shop three days in a row and throw your hands in the air and exclaim "Men!" each time.
That sometimes, someone will look so, so ill that even the anatomy demonstrators will send them home from sessions they must attend.
That you can form an accurate judgement of someone's character depending on which of Felicity's mugs they choose to drink their tea from.
That it is actually possible to pack up your whole room in slightly over two hours, with a hangover.
That burlesque nights are the best thing ever.
That no man will ignore you when you are wearing a corset.
That no matter how much you believe your current situation is unique, someone knows a song about it.
That there is no reason why you shouldn't walk halfway through Newnham carrying a roast joint.
That there are some situations in which medicine is actually interesting and a valid addition to the conversation, but you should probably let the non-medics in the group decide that.
That the four of us (Felicity, Joanne, Geraldine and Julia) are terrifying en masse (see "Blind Date" for details).
That Felicity can continue to play the piano and make musical phrases after she has lost the ability to make conversation.
That no one in love ever listens to sense.
That there is nothing better than returning to College to find something odd in your pigeonhole (this term has witnessed a raven, a giraffe, and three hippos being found in our pigeonholes at various points).
That you need to be very careful when *headdesk*ing during dissection, as there's often a dead body in the way.
That it is actually possible to completely forget you're dissecting a whole body, and so be freaked out by finding a hand attached to an arm when you move parts of the body bag aside.
That you get remarkably few comments on the facebook status "Joanne held a warm human heart today".
That love is not enough.
That there is a lot to be said for turning up to Compline after a formal with a group of people (slightly intoxicated to drunk) as large as the rest of the congregation put together.
That Cambridge can become home in under two terms.
That you don't necessarily lose your toes to frostbite as a result of walking around Cambridge in bare feet at three in the morning in February.
That there is virtually always someone willing to walk you home, if you ask nicely enough.
That Felicity is about as perceptive as the average doorpost when it comes to men.
That Felicity broadcasts her emotions so obviously that even a below-average doorpost can tell who she's interested in.
That it's not a Caius bop unless someone takes a trip to Addenbrooke's A&E department.
That the spikes on top of railings create a wound that looks like a stab wound.
That there is no situation so bad that the application of tea, coffee, hot chocolate, crumpets, hot cross buns, toast, ice cream, hugs, a film or some combination of the above will not fix it.
That cake > men. Without exception. It's just the hormones talking when you disagree.
That there are too few exceptions to the rule "all men are bastards some of the time".
That girls can be rubbish, too.
That, when it gets really bad, one of the great things about Newnham is that you can eat chocolate and cry and everyone will look after you.
That Cambridge is home.
That the arrival of spring makes everything a whole lot better.
That being taken out for coffee, or lunch, or dinner, or in fact anywhere out, does wonders for your self-esteem.
This...got a little more depressing than I was intending. I'll try to remember some cheerful stuff!
Love,
Felicity xxx
Sunday, March 8, 2009
So that's what it's called!
Intergluteal cleft: bumcrack.
So, really, it should be "everyone else appears to be cutting lateral to the intergluteal cleft."
How wonderful does that sound?
Lots of love,
Felicity xxx
Geraldine xxx
So, really, it should be "everyone else appears to be cutting lateral to the intergluteal cleft."
How wonderful does that sound?
Lots of love,
Felicity xxx
Geraldine xxx
Friday, March 6, 2009
Stash!
For the uninitiated, "stash" is basically wearable items (often hoodies) with your college crest, boaty nickname, rugby team, society, position of power, name, or similar "I-am-a-member-of-such-and-such-a-group" tag on it. You have, no doubt, encountered the "leavers' hoodie" from school sixth forms? Well, Cambridge does that, too, except bigger, better, and not so much when you leave as when you join. As you might have gathered from the above, pretty much any large group of people will have "stash" - this year, the first-year Caius medics have these blindingly white hoodies (white and hoodies should not be combined, for future reference) with their initials on the sleeves. The Cambridge Union's stewards and Directors got their stash recently. Newnham stash ranged from hoodies to rugby shirts to t-shirts to bags to knickers (you wish I were kidding). IT HAS ARRIVED.
Do you want to know why I have bothered to post this? I have bothered to post this because of a conversation I had yesterday related to my Newnham stash, in particular. I have a t-shirt. It has Newnham's crest on it, in the obvious place.
"Newnham owns my left breast right now, and I'm happy with that!"
"Who owns your right breast?"
"I do! It's my breast!"
This becomes more amusing when you consider I had this conversation walking along a road at lunchtime with lots of people I do not know around me. It becomes weird when I tell you I had taken no mind-altering chemicals that day.
Love,
Felicity xxx
Do you want to know why I have bothered to post this? I have bothered to post this because of a conversation I had yesterday related to my Newnham stash, in particular. I have a t-shirt. It has Newnham's crest on it, in the obvious place.
"Newnham owns my left breast right now, and I'm happy with that!"
"Who owns your right breast?"
"I do! It's my breast!"
This becomes more amusing when you consider I had this conversation walking along a road at lunchtime with lots of people I do not know around me. It becomes weird when I tell you I had taken no mind-altering chemicals that day.
Love,
Felicity xxx
Sunday, March 1, 2009
RAG
This week is RAG week, which means a greater than average number of crazy things are being done for charity (yesterday, for example, saw hundreds of plastic ducks floating down the river). To start the week off, the RAG Get Spotted event aimed to get as many people as possible doing as many odd things as possible to raise money and awareness for RAG week, one of these crazy people being yours truly. Here are just a few of the bizarre things I've spent the past 9 days doing, instead of medicine:
Collecting business cards from passers-by
Walking around Newnham library with a sign saying 'BANG'
Making a giant blue smartie (note to self: Dairy milk + icing = creme egg)
Taking photos of many, many random people in the street and in various locations all around Cambridge
This doesn't even include the quite frankly insane things my partner did in order to gain points. But then, what is life in Cam without insanity? (Answers on a postcard please...) Seeing as this is coming from someone who was seen walking through town last week accompanied by someone painted green, this has made little difference to my everyday life, with the exception of further limiting the percentage of time spent actually doing medicine- it's all good.
Here's hoping next week will be slightly more productive (in the traditional sense, at least)
Geraldine xxx
Collecting business cards from passers-by
Walking around Newnham library with a sign saying 'BANG'
Making a giant blue smartie (note to self: Dairy milk + icing = creme egg)
Taking photos of many, many random people in the street and in various locations all around Cambridge
This doesn't even include the quite frankly insane things my partner did in order to gain points. But then, what is life in Cam without insanity? (Answers on a postcard please...) Seeing as this is coming from someone who was seen walking through town last week accompanied by someone painted green, this has made little difference to my everyday life, with the exception of further limiting the percentage of time spent actually doing medicine- it's all good.
Here's hoping next week will be slightly more productive (in the traditional sense, at least)
Geraldine xxx
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Blind Date
All of Cambridge is a learning experience- things like 'you can ACTUALLY live off chocolate and pastry for at least a week', and 'you should probably consider wearing shoes that don't leak when it's raining' tend to be the kinds of things that we consider valuable life experience. As such, things we have learned from our blind date last week:
1) We are TERRIFYING as a group. Especially when over dinner we start discussing giraffes in gimp masks and dissection.
2) Never believe most of a blind date form. Or facebook profile pictures (our guys were surprisingly normal and good-looking).
3) Being a third year makes you more likely to be able to put up with four crazy medics over dinner, while actually maintaining conversation. And to steal dessert.
4) The world is connected by larp. This is a scary prospect.
5) Julia knows someone who is connected to anyone she meets, however obscure.
6) Julia is the only woman you'd ever forgive for being a female Dr. Who.
7) Running after someone out into the ice and snow in only a dress and tights may seem like a bad idea, but actually was a good decision- and I still have all my toes.
See, learning experience.
1) We are TERRIFYING as a group. Especially when over dinner we start discussing giraffes in gimp masks and dissection.
2) Never believe most of a blind date form. Or facebook profile pictures (our guys were surprisingly normal and good-looking).
3) Being a third year makes you more likely to be able to put up with four crazy medics over dinner, while actually maintaining conversation. And to steal dessert.
4) The world is connected by larp. This is a scary prospect.
5) Julia knows someone who is connected to anyone she meets, however obscure.
6) Julia is the only woman you'd ever forgive for being a female Dr. Who.
7) Running after someone out into the ice and snow in only a dress and tights may seem like a bad idea, but actually was a good decision- and I still have all my toes.
See, learning experience.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
The Newnham Medics do RAG
Hello, everyone!
RAG is Cambridge University's Raising And Giving, basically charity work. It encompasses everything from raids (running around Cambridge with collecting buckets) to organised, University-wide events, some of which happen every year.
One of the latter events is the RAG Blind Date, predictably enough in February (...near but not on the 14th...). You will all no doubt be thrilled to hear that four of us (Felicity, Geraldine, Jo and Julia) have entered into a pact and are all taking part. Wish us good luck...
Love,
Felicity xxx
RAG is Cambridge University's Raising And Giving, basically charity work. It encompasses everything from raids (running around Cambridge with collecting buckets) to organised, University-wide events, some of which happen every year.
One of the latter events is the RAG Blind Date, predictably enough in February (...near but not on the 14th...). You will all no doubt be thrilled to hear that four of us (Felicity, Geraldine, Jo and Julia) have entered into a pact and are all taking part. Wish us good luck...
Love,
Felicity xxx
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Startling Revelations
Well, we did promise to let you know- apologies for keeping you all in suspense:
Felicity- secret porn star?
Actually, no.
Geraldine xx
Felicity- secret porn star?
Actually, no.
Geraldine xx
Monday, January 12, 2009
Chatting Up the Medics
As it turns out, medics have something of a reputation: not only is the stereotypical medic a geek (true), an alcoholic (often true), and the life and the soul of the party (especially true when the other guest don't mind you talking dissection), but also (for lack of a better word) kinky. Whether or not this stereotype is true, it does mean that we are possibly among the most hit-on of all subject groups (though that may have something to do with the fact that we're also the most awesome).
Anyway, if you do decide to take your chance with a medic, I believe I will be doing said medic a huge favour by telling you to avoid the following lines, especially when they are followed by a leering wink:
'I think I need a medical examination.'
'So, want to learn some anatomy?'
'Can I come over and make use of those rubber gloves?'
'I have a bad case of the (insert cheesy made-up disease here), can you help me out?'
Using these, and most other medical-related chat-up lines, does not make you original and witty (just ask the last 10 people who tried them), but it will make you slightly more likely to become acutely aware of just how wonderfully easily we can cause people pain.
Just fyi, you know...
Geraldine xxx
P.S. Also, never ever employ mistletoe in any attempt to speak to us- not that that's related to medicine in any way, it's just never a good idea.
Anyway, if you do decide to take your chance with a medic, I believe I will be doing said medic a huge favour by telling you to avoid the following lines, especially when they are followed by a leering wink:
'I think I need a medical examination.'
'So, want to learn some anatomy?'
'Can I come over and make use of those rubber gloves?'
'I have a bad case of the (insert cheesy made-up disease here), can you help me out?'
Using these, and most other medical-related chat-up lines, does not make you original and witty (just ask the last 10 people who tried them), but it will make you slightly more likely to become acutely aware of just how wonderfully easily we can cause people pain.
Just fyi, you know...
Geraldine xxx
P.S. Also, never ever employ mistletoe in any attempt to speak to us- not that that's related to medicine in any way, it's just never a good idea.
Medics' Survival Guide - part 2
The GOOD BITS.
We have a reputation for drunkeness (ergo, people are shocked when we aren't propping up the bar).
Staying up to 2am drinking champagne and eating cheese (this is WHY we're not propping up the bar).
2kg chocolate cornflake cake!
Scaring other students.
We socialise HARD.
We can win any competition of trying to come up with the most disgusting thing without any impact on our mental health.
No squeamishness about anything. Ever.
Chat-up lines are funnier when people realise you are a medic.
You lose any sense of embarrassment about anything. In a few years' time, we're going to be spending alarming proportions of our working time asking people to drop their trousers (on a side note, why don't more attractive people get ill? Fewer men your father's age, more your own!)
Swirling vortex of madness.
2-4-1 cocktails.
You have the right to laugh at arts students and scientists.
Synovial twins. We get better vocal typos.
Strange arguments late at night about the consistancy of soup.
Dreams. Weird dreams.
"IT JUST HAPPENS!" is an appropriate answer to most questions.
Being told how to kill people in lectures. Twice, in about two weeks.
Resisting the urge to go out and see whether said lecturers were lying to us...
People assume you actually KNOW medicine. "I've really hurt my elbow, can you have a look at it...?" sure...pokey pokey.
When in doubt, AMPUTATE!
Anatomy colouring books: regressing to age 5 while also working.
BATMAN IMPRESSIONS!
The fact that we act with the grace and decorum of the average 3 year old and this is normal.
No other group is known so well by our wonderful porters; it's because we bulk-buy textbooks off Amazon and so get MASSIVE PARCELS virtually every week of term.
We're weirder than every other subject. Including mathmos. This is our badge of honour.
Everyone assumes we're normal. HAH!
People tend to assume we are hard-working and clever.
We can watch horror films and criticise their methods of killing.
Nearly getting run over. By an ambulance. In front of A&E. Surrounded by the students most likely to have First Aid certificates.
Morbid. Lovely and morbid.
See! There ARE good things. And we aren't even including the clichéed stuff!
Lots of love (again)
Felicity xxx (secret porn star?) (FIND OUT NEXT WEEK! or not.)
Julia (Cheered up a bit now)
Joanne (reanimated) (yes, we CAN do that. We just don't like to tell people)
Geraldine (still doomed. It tastes of raspberry) xxx
We have a reputation for drunkeness (ergo, people are shocked when we aren't propping up the bar).
Staying up to 2am drinking champagne and eating cheese (this is WHY we're not propping up the bar).
2kg chocolate cornflake cake!
Scaring other students.
We socialise HARD.
We can win any competition of trying to come up with the most disgusting thing without any impact on our mental health.
No squeamishness about anything. Ever.
Chat-up lines are funnier when people realise you are a medic.
You lose any sense of embarrassment about anything. In a few years' time, we're going to be spending alarming proportions of our working time asking people to drop their trousers (on a side note, why don't more attractive people get ill? Fewer men your father's age, more your own!)
Swirling vortex of madness.
2-4-1 cocktails.
You have the right to laugh at arts students and scientists.
Synovial twins. We get better vocal typos.
Strange arguments late at night about the consistancy of soup.
Dreams. Weird dreams.
"IT JUST HAPPENS!" is an appropriate answer to most questions.
Being told how to kill people in lectures. Twice, in about two weeks.
Resisting the urge to go out and see whether said lecturers were lying to us...
People assume you actually KNOW medicine. "I've really hurt my elbow, can you have a look at it...?" sure...pokey pokey.
When in doubt, AMPUTATE!
Anatomy colouring books: regressing to age 5 while also working.
BATMAN IMPRESSIONS!
The fact that we act with the grace and decorum of the average 3 year old and this is normal.
No other group is known so well by our wonderful porters; it's because we bulk-buy textbooks off Amazon and so get MASSIVE PARCELS virtually every week of term.
We're weirder than every other subject. Including mathmos. This is our badge of honour.
Everyone assumes we're normal. HAH!
People tend to assume we are hard-working and clever.
We can watch horror films and criticise their methods of killing.
Nearly getting run over. By an ambulance. In front of A&E. Surrounded by the students most likely to have First Aid certificates.
Morbid. Lovely and morbid.
See! There ARE good things. And we aren't even including the clichéed stuff!
Lots of love (again)
Felicity xxx (secret porn star?) (FIND OUT NEXT WEEK! or not.)
Julia (Cheered up a bit now)
Joanne (reanimated) (yes, we CAN do that. We just don't like to tell people)
Geraldine (still doomed. It tastes of raspberry) xxx
Medics' Survival Guide - part 1
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
*ahem*
We have just had our first Cambridge exam. It was horrible. We have realised that medicine at university is basically like having bipolar disorder: it's either great, or it's completely shit.
So, here's our antidote to the flowery, heart-decorated, cuddly survival guides that tell you it will all be fine. It will all be fine, but there will also be moments when it is anything BUT fine. There will also be moments when your supervisors write things on your essays that make you cry. In fact, there will be quite a lot of moments where you cry. It's "character building".
Whatever you do, you will get corpse juice soaking up your sleeves at at least one point every term. There is nothing you can do about this or the smell. Traumatise lawyers with this, and don't worry too much, you yourself will become inured to the smell and won't notice it much after a while.
All deodorants, perfumes and cleaning products smell slightly of formaldehyde. You just hadn't realised yet.
You make a 2kg cornflake cake for no apparent reason. This is not seen as particularly odd. Neither is you eating it in 3 days.
When in doubt, waffle.
When in doubt, waffles.
If all else fails, kill self. (We can do it properly, and we're morbid by nature).
There is no such thing as a "normal medic". These two words cannot be put together in a normal sentence. They are like hamsters and microwaves: you could, but the RSPCA would come and get you.
You will become a soulless, uncaring freak of nature. This is the natural reaction to medicine. Embrace it. (If you either don't become one, or don't embrace it, you might have a breakdown. Just sayin')
Chocolate. Solves. All.
When lectures are cancelled there is happiness and wonder and "OH GODS WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS TIME??!?!?"
A good essay is one for which you get a single tick. That's all we want! ONE TICK! All work you do and hand in will take you three times as long as the supervisor thinks it will, and will be so far below their expectations as to render them speechless. This is Cambridge; bright isn't good enough. He will ask you if you did it in five minutes without looking at your notes, when in fact it took you five hours and you used EVERY TEXTBOOK YOU COULD LAY YOUR HANDS ON.
There is no end to anatomy. There is always more you don't know.
You get odd temptations to lick things you shouldn't. Like windows...
You go veggie on Mondays and Fridays, because you have dissections those days and if you eat meat, the taste and texture remind you of formaldehyde and make you feel nauseous.
Appreciation of the partially clothed male form is diminished, as all you can think is "oo, nice acromions!"
Penis cookies.
(It's true.)
Uterus and kidney cookies.
(Also true)
Hallowe'en skeleton costumes are no longer amusing; they are inaccurate.
During the holidays, you will have a moment where you realise that this is the least covered in dead body you will be for a number of weeks.
We suspect this is enough for now. We will sort these later into such categories as "things medicine ruins", "characteristics medicine gives you", "things only the medics can get away with" and so forth.
Much love,
Felicity xxx
Julia (doomed)
Geraldine (more doomed) xxx
Joanne (already dead)
*ahem*
We have just had our first Cambridge exam. It was horrible. We have realised that medicine at university is basically like having bipolar disorder: it's either great, or it's completely shit.
So, here's our antidote to the flowery, heart-decorated, cuddly survival guides that tell you it will all be fine. It will all be fine, but there will also be moments when it is anything BUT fine. There will also be moments when your supervisors write things on your essays that make you cry. In fact, there will be quite a lot of moments where you cry. It's "character building".
Whatever you do, you will get corpse juice soaking up your sleeves at at least one point every term. There is nothing you can do about this or the smell. Traumatise lawyers with this, and don't worry too much, you yourself will become inured to the smell and won't notice it much after a while.
All deodorants, perfumes and cleaning products smell slightly of formaldehyde. You just hadn't realised yet.
You make a 2kg cornflake cake for no apparent reason. This is not seen as particularly odd. Neither is you eating it in 3 days.
When in doubt, waffle.
When in doubt, waffles.
If all else fails, kill self. (We can do it properly, and we're morbid by nature).
There is no such thing as a "normal medic". These two words cannot be put together in a normal sentence. They are like hamsters and microwaves: you could, but the RSPCA would come and get you.
You will become a soulless, uncaring freak of nature. This is the natural reaction to medicine. Embrace it. (If you either don't become one, or don't embrace it, you might have a breakdown. Just sayin')
Chocolate. Solves. All.
When lectures are cancelled there is happiness and wonder and "OH GODS WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS TIME??!?!?"
A good essay is one for which you get a single tick. That's all we want! ONE TICK! All work you do and hand in will take you three times as long as the supervisor thinks it will, and will be so far below their expectations as to render them speechless. This is Cambridge; bright isn't good enough. He will ask you if you did it in five minutes without looking at your notes, when in fact it took you five hours and you used EVERY TEXTBOOK YOU COULD LAY YOUR HANDS ON.
There is no end to anatomy. There is always more you don't know.
You get odd temptations to lick things you shouldn't. Like windows...
You go veggie on Mondays and Fridays, because you have dissections those days and if you eat meat, the taste and texture remind you of formaldehyde and make you feel nauseous.
Appreciation of the partially clothed male form is diminished, as all you can think is "oo, nice acromions!"
Penis cookies.
(It's true.)
Uterus and kidney cookies.
(Also true)
Hallowe'en skeleton costumes are no longer amusing; they are inaccurate.
During the holidays, you will have a moment where you realise that this is the least covered in dead body you will be for a number of weeks.
We suspect this is enough for now. We will sort these later into such categories as "things medicine ruins", "characteristics medicine gives you", "things only the medics can get away with" and so forth.
Much love,
Felicity xxx
Julia (doomed)
Geraldine (more doomed) xxx
Joanne (already dead)
Thursday, January 8, 2009
A pre-Lent update
Hello, everyone!
Cast your minds back to November, when Felicity the bike was stolen *sniffle*. I am still, obviously, broken-hearted (although...haven't yet reported it. And now I'd feel really REALLY daft walking into a police station. "Hi, my bike's been nicked." "When?" "...about three months ago...") but time is a great healer and I began to realise towards the end of last term (specifically when I spent two hours going to Occupational Health appointments, of which more some other time) that, in Cambridge, the bike is King (or Queen) of Transport.
So it is that I began to search for...not a replacement for Felicity, per se, but another, different bicycle to love in a different way. I have now found it, thanks to a lady who lives down my road who had a spare she didn't need. This new bike is called WENDY in honour of said previous owner, and is dark blue and about twice my age, at a guess. She is also beautiful, although with less of the whimsical nature of Felicity.
Now all I have to do is work out how the HECK I'm going to get her to Cambridge. And not forget a bike lock.
Much love,
Felicity (not changing my name)
xxx
Cast your minds back to November, when Felicity the bike was stolen *sniffle*. I am still, obviously, broken-hearted (although...haven't yet reported it. And now I'd feel really REALLY daft walking into a police station. "Hi, my bike's been nicked." "When?" "...about three months ago...") but time is a great healer and I began to realise towards the end of last term (specifically when I spent two hours going to Occupational Health appointments, of which more some other time) that, in Cambridge, the bike is King (or Queen) of Transport.
So it is that I began to search for...not a replacement for Felicity, per se, but another, different bicycle to love in a different way. I have now found it, thanks to a lady who lives down my road who had a spare she didn't need. This new bike is called WENDY in honour of said previous owner, and is dark blue and about twice my age, at a guess. She is also beautiful, although with less of the whimsical nature of Felicity.
Now all I have to do is work out how the HECK I'm going to get her to Cambridge. And not forget a bike lock.
Much love,
Felicity (not changing my name)
xxx
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